Starting all over again…again

OK, so as some of you pointed out and as others of you may have noticed, I haven’t honoured my promise and I haven’t kept up blogging.

Upon arriving home from Portugal, I had to immediately move out of my gorgeous home as my darn landlady sold the property…that is right…without warning! During this forced move to…no where but friends, family and inevitably back at my mums house, I was also in the final weeks of top secret, conspiring and lying my teeth off; planning and organising my Mums surprise 60th birthday party.

As if those two things weren’t enough to juggle, I decided I needed to take back, or rather, claw back some control. So, I started my own business…well, with a little help from the dreamboat ;-)!

It isn’t fully “set up” yet…so I won’t reveal too much YET. But suffice to say, it is totally random. It is as far from acting as you can probably get. And it is actually going surprisingly well..

However, it does feel like I am starting all over again, that I am out on a limb and vulnerable. I’ve always seen myself in one way, and I’m suddenly having to accept that I have not managed to achieve all that I had expected to and I am not the person who I expected to be.

Growing up, I was given more than most; opportunities to try everything and anything, so I could decide what I loved and felt passionately about. However, despite this, I am lost. What do I want? Where do I want to be? What makes me happy? What career best suits me? If I am not an actor, what am I?? Most people my age, my friends, my sibling, have everything figured out. A clear plan of action that they are going to follow AND achieve. I have nothing but blind hope and determination that I can make something of myself… I just don’t quite have the plan, the “how”, yet.

However, what I do know is that, I wake up every day and I am happy. I enjoy being my own boss, owning my own schedule and not having to ask permission. I am motivated by making my own money, the effort I put in directly effects the rewards I get out. I have control, I have ownership and I have responsibility. If I am not there, nothing gets done; I am not a cog. I don’t dread Monday and I don’t celebrate Friday. I have control; and after YEARS of putting my whole life, my whole career, my whole income in the hands of casting directors, agents and directors. It is so wonderful to have that control.

So starting all over again…again…is terrifying and liberating. It isn’t the end of my career as an actor. However, perhaps I need to take a step back to take a step forward. I will keep striving. I will build myself back up again. But for now I need to give myself hope of building a LIFE not just an acting-career.

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8 thoughts on “Starting all over again…again

  1. Dear Kate:
    I have every confidence that you have the capabilities and skill sets to be successful in life and to enjoy the journey.

    One of the most powerful concepts I have learned is: “If you can’t change the reality of a situation, you can change how you think about it.” …and you are doing just that.

    I have no doubt that you are ‘adjusting the trajectory’ of your life, and that you will enjoy the journey. And you will do so again, and again, and again, as the situations warrant; And, for the rest of your life, you will find opportunities for joy and celebration.

    My best wishes to you for your continued success in life.

    Your internet friend,
    Vista USA

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  2. Hi Kate!
    As you know, acting demands so many things of you that often seem unsuited to anything else. But as I hope you are finding, this is far from true. One of the greatest joys to me has been being in the moment, not a controlled, composed moment, but that spontaneous reaction to life right in front of you. If your able to listen to yourself in these moments you can learn what your heart wants, what your soul needs, what you truly care about, and maybe find talents only inches away from your acting skills that can be developed and nurtured for that sadly needed – money. At the same time, your acting skills are being given the backdrop of (hate the phrase!) the real world on which to build your re-acting skills. You have proven so much already, it has been a privilege to follow your progress; I had always hoped that I would be so much closer to your world as you moved forward. I have no doubt that you can do whatever you want – make sure it is truly what you want; all of us can go easy on ourselves in this area, treat our own wants and needs with much less tenacity than we would overcoming obstacles that prevent us from reaching our dreams! Make sure the dreams are yours, seek absolute clarity of purpose. I know you have all the tools you need – your heart already knows what you need to do, don’t let your mind interfere too much!
    Good Luck – love to talk to you, even better to see you, you will always remain important to me. Eddie x

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    • You’ll always remain important to me Eddie. Thank you for taking the time to write all that and to continue your un-wavering support and love. I will take some time to digest your advice but don’t worry – I’m not giving up. I just need to regroup! xx

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  3. Well done for empowering yourself. It is better to be the person steering your ship rather than a passenger.

    The most accomplished people still don’t know what they want to do in their late 30’s-40’s. Don’t compare yourself to others the whole time!

    Most women in their mid- 40’s and up find it hard to get acting jobs anyhow! It’s better to be in control sooner rather than later!

    Liked by 1 person

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