It’s been a year since I graduated and I can’t help wonder…what the hell have I achieved in the last 12 months? I was so excited to get out of uni and throw myself into “real life”. I wasted no time at all and moved to London as soon as I could, managed to land a fairly well paid job in Mayfair that would be flexible when it came down to auditions and managed to keep my interests in live music and unsigned artists alive!
Ugh how optimistic.
In the 12 months since being in London, I’ve bounced around homes, lived with family, the flatmate from Perv Street and boyfriend plus various friends along the way. My supposedly flexible job turned into a nightmare that consisted of being bored, being bullied daily and guilt tripped anytime I took advantage of the “flexible” arrangement we’d agreed. My interest in music was as alive as ever but my ability to attend gigs and festivals faltered with ever growing exhaustion and lack of funds. And ACTING… what happened to that?? Apart from my daily performance as Happy Office Manager (which trust me, even I can admit I wouldn’t have won any awards for!) and the inevitable “how successful are you” conversations with strangers; I have hardly done anything! It is not for lack of trying at all, but holy shit (!) it is fricking tough! Tougher than anyone ever said and just trying to be an actor is a full-time job.
So. A year down the line. What have I achieved? Hmmm…I have this overwhelming feeling that I am a failure. The sensible side of my brain tells me that, of course, that is stupid. I have performed my own play in London this year, been involved in putting on an unsigned music competition, made some incredible new friends, discovered a lot about myself (and started up this blog)! However, the emotional side just focuses on where I still find myself; am I really any further forward than I was on my graduation? I certainly feel just as lost and unsure as I did a year ago although I’m probably wiser in some areas.
I guess I just need to keep doing what I’m doing and plugging away. Hopefully this time next year I’ll have something more to write home about…!