People always say that “you don’t know who your real friend are until something bad happens”. Those who love you, care for you and genuinely worry if you are suffering…those people will come through every time. They will listen, wipe the tears, advise and support you, make you laugh and sometimes force you to see truths. And what I have experienced is, those people are the ones you least expect, the ones you’ve neglected or have lost touch with or you’ve never felt that close to. And sadly, as hard as it is to deal with, it is those who you expect to be there, the ones you know you would do anything for or that you took for granted would step up, that don’t come through.
I’ve spent the last month feeling really disappointed and angry with a person I thought would be my rock whenever anything went wrong. I thought we were best friends, no matter what or where we were in our lives, that we would make the time to be there for one another when we needed it. I was wrong. He was the first person I called, above my family, above people I see more regularly, I called him. He made all the right noises but that conversation was the last I have had with him.
For a while I waited, and then I asked to meet up with him to catch up and talk about…everything, the way we used to. He then cancelled. I’m still waiting to hear when he is next free to see me.
I am deeply upset at the thought that I have lost a friend who meant so much to me and surprised that quite clearly, our friendship no longer means all that much to him. Yet I then look at all the people who have taken the time to call me, text me, come and see me, have a coffee, take me dancing…
These people are the biggest surprise of them all. They have shown me what I mean to them and how lucky I am to have them in my life. In some cases, newly made friends have become my closest and I have opened myself up to meeting new friends and embraced all their advice as well as sharing experiences. They have helped me rebuild and discover who I am, on my own.
I guess I’m writing this because… although it is a sad that tough times can reveal negative truths about relationships you thought you had, they also open your eyes to those who really do care for you and love you, no matter if your crying, saying nothing, shouting, going over and over the same old shit and just…feeling all those things you need to feel.
My mum always said, you can really only ever count your true friends on one hand. I think she is absolutely right. Real friends are the ones who you can spend time with, doing nothing, saying not a lot yet you still have a great time. Just being around them is enough. And your bond is unique to you, no two friendships are the same. You don’t need to make extra effort to have a good time. And even if you haven’t seen each other for a year or more, when you do it is like you have never been a part.
I guess I’m glad I know who my friends are, who really matters to me and who I matter to. If nothing else, that is a silver lining to a rather dark cloud.